As I write this I am sitting on a wooden bench outside a lovely octagonal pavilion waiting to start my weekend workshop. The temperature has finally dipped below 90. And the hours long power outage and generator problems have abated. Complaints about the heat and lack of fans are left behind me as I leave my job at guest services to enter into what I perceive as bliss-Yoga. Like meditation, what seemed so dramatic has dissolved, as all thoughts do. Accompanied by Krishna Das I write to you from the shelter of the trees and the quiet of the oncoming sunset.
Yesterday I wrote for about an hour. I finished half of what was a long overdue post about the past two weeks and the amazing experiences I have had. But the draft disappeared. I tell you this because the last week on campus has been very much like this here on campus. People’s names didn’t exist appeared on our guest service log for golf cart rides. Other people appeared to get rides that said they had scheduled them when they didn’t. Time was fluid as multiple workshops went over time and three people would all be clamoring for rides, luggage pick-up etc. from various places around campus. Then of course the golf cart broke down. On a hill/ With people in it/ Who had trouble walking/ Then the radio went down/and I kept breathing/ Remembering that I was human, having normal human type emotions of frustration and worry. And could I practice just being-me-this person named Kristi.
As someone who is very sensitive to others emotional makeups - it is a real necessity to be able to detach myself so that I don't absorb their negative energies. It's really hard to maintain your own balance when all around you are stressed, worried, angry, confused, hurt, agitated. And I've found, your own attitude can either exacerbate those energies, or reduce them. Some people, especially the wounded ones, are really attracted to those who exude peace and calmness; while others, usually those sunk into anger and confusion, your inner peace just seems to piss them off even more.
ReplyDeleteThis is why I can't live in a city. It's too hard to maintain my balance. For someone such as yourself, who tends to teach, support, nurture, it is an additional challenge to not absorb and not reflect but to dissipate and and redirect, mutate that energy into something positive. And that takes real strength of purpose and mind.
Hang in there and stay cool and dry.